Thursday, July 14, 2016

The Ultimate List of Media Choices for Celebrities

1. Vanity Fair cover: Still the most prestigious option, and one Jennifer Aniston has used to great effect herself in the past. The Caitlyn Jenner rollout remains the pinnacle of the form. Of course, it involves entrusting your message to a reporter, which can have disastrous results.

2. People cover: A nice get—remember Sandra Bullock’s “meet my baby” cover?—though sometimes veers dangerously into the reality-TV-o-verse.

3. New York Times op-ed: Prestigious and intellectual-seeming, a one-two punch. Angie landed one, not that we would ever compare Jen to her.

4. New Yorker humor piece: Unless it’s really, really good, will make anyone who’s ever wanted to write for the New Yorker resent you. No one else will see it.

5. Single cryptic tweet: Lets you retain plausible deniability when everyone knows exactly who you’re talking about, still kinda shady.

6. Tweet that is a screenshot of a “statement”: Even worse than the above. If you must, proofread.

7. Tweetstorm: Never really goes well, will be immediately aggregated by a bunch of news outlets.

8. Instagram post that makes a statement, not through words, but usually through a selfie of you with the person you were supposedly feuding with: Can be very effective when done correctly.

9. Lenny personal essay: Communicates that you are friends with Lena Dunham, which some people, but not everyone, will think is cool.

10. Piece for the Toast: Will earn you endless brownie points among a few librarians and grad students but won’t do much for your popularity with the general public.

11. Refinery29 essay: Will probably get you made fun of.

12. Slate personal essay: Will reveal to the world that in addition to being handsome, you are a good father and a good writer.

Heather Schwedel